The Sentimentality Trap: Why "Death Cleaning" is the Best Gift for Your Executor

The Sentimentality Trap: Why "Death Cleaning" is the Best Gift for Your Executor

By Melinda Gustafson Gervasi

February 23, 2026

In previous posts, we have discussed döstädning—the "gentle art of Swedish Death Cleaning." I is the practice of organizing and paring down your life’s "stuff" now so that your children or other heirs are not left to do it while they are grieving.  While it my be easy to toss an old toaster, it is much harder to part with your father’s collection of vintage maps or your grandmother’s (slightly chipped) dishes. A recent New York Times piece, "Letting Go of Sentimental Objects Is Hard," offers some useful psychological tools that may help you push past the mental roadblock and actually clear out some clutter this Spring.  

To "soften" this process, consider the following:

"Use it or Lose it" Rule: The Times suggests keeping only what you can use daily. If the item is tucked away in a back closet and rarely used, consider "gifting" those other items now. If you have jewelry or heirlooms you want a niece to have, give them to her for her 30th birthday rather than leaving them in a box for her to find after a funeral.

Document the Story, Not the Stuff: The article notes that we often keep things to keep the memory. In your estate plan, consider a "Legacy Letter." Write down the stories of the items you are keeping. If an item doesn't have a story worth writing down, then it might be time to let it go.  Also, perhaps a photo of the item is all you need to go with your letter, allowing you to preserve the memory but let the physical item move on to a thrift store or be added to your recycling bin. 

The "Didn't Know" Rule for Heirs: If you find something in the back of a closet that you forgot existed, the Times says you can let it go. Do your heirs a favor: if you haven’t looked at it in a decade, they shouldn’t have to decide its fate during their first week of mourning.

As an estate planning and probate attorney, I see it constantly: a probate process that should take six months stretches into two years because the family is paralyzed by a house full of "sentimental" items.  Even worse, family members transfer their mourning grief and instead squabble over who will get mom's armoire.  Take control now and re-home as many items as possible with the least amount of family drama. 

Estate planning is not just about who gets the house or the 401(k); it’s about the efficiency of the transition. Decluttering yourself ensures that your "personal property" (as we call it in the law) is a curated collection of memories, not a mountain of chores for the people you love most.

Now make a plan.  Pull up your calendar and designated two hours each month to decluttering. Start with one distinct "pain point", such as the kitchen junk drawer. If you find something you did not know was there, consider it a gift to your future executor to let it go today.

A blog is not a lawyer; it is meant to spark thought and reflection.  Please consult an attorney in your home state for advice specific to your situation. If you enjoyed this post, please share it on your favorite social media platform.  And if you are so inclined, you can leave a "tip" on my Buy Me a Coffee page (yellow button, upper right corner) to help keep the caffeine powered posts coming. 

From My Madison Living Room to the Boardroom: The Seahawks, Super Bowl 60, and Estate Planning

From My Madison Living Room to the Boardroom: The Seahawks, Super Bowl 60, and Estate Planning

By Melinda Gustafson Gervasi

February 13, 2026

Superbowl 60 is now in the books, and the Seattle Seahawks were crowned World Champions.  Even though I live deep in Green Bay Packer Country (our home is in Madison, Wisconsin), we follow the Seahawks religiously because my oldest child has been a huge fan since his elementary school years.  As parents we’ve made it a goal to support our children to follow their own path rather than follow the pack.  Which is why this past Sunday the lower level of our house was full with his teenage buddies, cheering the Seahawks on their path to victory.

With the game behind us, news of the Seahawks has taken another, expected turn.  We’ve all seen the headlines: “Jody Allen to sell the Seahawks to honor her late brother, Paul Allen.” It’s a touching sentiment. It paints a picture of a grieving sister making a personal choice to carry out a final request. But as an estate planning and probate attorney, I know that the "why" and the "how" are governed by something much more rigid than sentiment: The Trust Agreement.

Journalism thrives on simplicity, but estate planning lives in the details. To say Jody Allen is "selling the team" implies personal ownership and personal discretion.  In reality, Jody Allen doesn't own the Seahawks; the Paul G. Allen Trust does. As the Trustee, she isn't acting on a whim or a sense of sibling loyalty—she is executing a legal mandate. When a trust document dictates the liquidation of assets, the Trustee is legally bound to follow those instructions.

Misleading headlines like these distort the public’s understanding of how probate and trusts actually work. They make it seem like a Trustee’s role is a suggestion rather than a job. The Seahawks situation highlights two critical pillars of choosing a Trustee that every client needs to consider: Skill and Intent.

A trustee must have the professional acumen to handle complex assets, taxes, and timing.  Moreover, because trusts are private documents, there is often no immediate court oversight. You are essentially handing someone the keys to your life’s work and trusting them to follow the map you drew, even when no one is looking over their shoulder.  When you appoint a Trustee, you aren't just choosing a representative; you are choosing a fiduciary. You need someone who has the "good intention" to put the document's instructions above their own ego or public perception. 

Whether it’s a NFL team or a family farm, the lesson remains: Your estate plan is only as strong as the person you choose to steer the ship. Don’t let the headlines fool you—estate planning isn't about "honoring" someone’s memory in the abstract; it’s about the disciplined execution of a legal contract.

A blog is not meant to be legal advice; it is meant to spark thought and reflection.  Please consult with a licensed attorney in your home state for advice specific to your situation.  Thank you for reading.  If you found this post helpful, consider posting it on your favorite social media and/or making a donation above via “Buy Me a Coffee”.  

The Estate Relay: What Happens When the Torch is Dropped?

The Estate Relay: What Happens When the Torch is Dropped?

By Melinda Gustafson Gervasi

February 6, 2026

Rome. Image by M. Gustafson Gervasi

 As the world’s eyes turn to the opening ceremonies in Italy tonight, there is no moment more symbolic than the lighting of the Olympic cauldron. It represents the final, successful hand-off in a journey that spanned continents. In my practice, I view a person’s estate in much the same way—it is a torch lit by a lifetime of hard work, meant to be passed seamlessly to the next generation. When a solid estate plan is in place, that hand-off is a moment of honor and transition. But when someone passes away without a will, we aren't just looking at a pause in the ceremony; we are looking at a dropped torch.

In the legal world, dying without a will is known as intestacy. When the torch is dropped, the momentum of your legacy grinds to a halt. Instead of a pre-selected Personal Representative stepping forward to lead, the probate court must intervene to appoint someone for the role. This isn't just a paperwork delay; it’s a period of uncertainty where assets can sit in limbo, bills can go unpaid, and the family is left wondering who is authorized to pick up the flame.

Moreover, without your specific instructions stated via a will, the state provides a "default relay team" through intestate succession laws. These means state statutes dictate exactly who is eligible to inherit your estate, following a rigid hierarchy of kinship that may not reflect your actual relationships or wishes. You might have intended for a lifelong partner or a specific charity to carry your legacy forward, but the law may instead recognize an estranged relative or a family member ill-equipped to inherit your legacy.

The goal of probate is to ensure your final "event" concludes with dignity and that your assets reach their intended destination by the guidance of a Personal Representative you nominate. As we celebrate the start of the Olympic Games, take a moment to look at your own relay team. Make sure you have a clear hand-off plan in place to ensure that when the time comes, your torch keeps burning bright for those who follow.

A blog is meant to spark thought and discussion; it is not legal advice.  I appreciate you reading and encourage you to seek legal advice from an attorney in your home state.  Be well, and share this post on your favorite social media platform if you found it helpful!

Don't Toss That Envelope! Uncovering Estate Assets During Tax Season

Don't Toss That Envelope! Uncovering Estate Assets During Tax Season

By Melinda Gustasfon Gervasi

January 30, 2026

For most, late January means the unwelcome arrival of tax forms. But if you are currently serving as a Personal Representative (a.k.a Executor) and navigating the probate process for a loved one, this week is actually one of the most important windows of the year.

I often tell my clients that the U.S. Mail is the best "private investigator" an estate can have. Even in our digital age, financial institutions are required to mail out tax documents like 1099s (miscellaneous income) and 1098s (mortgage interest) by January 31st. For a family member trying to piece together a decedent's financial life, these envelopes are more than just tax records—they are a roadmap.

It is not uncommon for a decedent to have held assets that their family knew nothing about. A 1099-INT might reveal a forgotten savings account at an out-of-state bank; a 1099-DIV might be the only clue that a brokerage account exists; or a 1098 might reveal a mortgage on a piece of real estate the family had not yet identified.

As you check the mail this week, keep a sharp eye out for:

• 1099-INT/DIV: Signals bank accounts, CDs, or stocks; 
• 1099-R: Indicates retirement distributions or life insurance values; 
• Property Tax Statements -- These ensure no real estate holdings fly under the radar.

If you have not already, ensure you have a formal mail forward in place with the USPS. Opening these documents is often the final piece of the puzzle needed to complete an accurate estate inventory.  Before you shred that "junk mail," take a second look. It may be an unknown asset of your loved one. 

Lots and lots of mail!

Remember that a blog is not legal advice; it is meant to spark thought and reflection.  Always seek legal counsel from an attorney licensed in your home state for advice specific to your situation. Thank you for reading.  Feel free to "buy me a coffee" above using the yellow button!  Be well!

Middle-Class Philanthropy: Honoring Legacies, Building Futures

Middle-Class Philanthropy: Honoring Legacies, Building Futures 

By Melinda Gustafson Gervasi

January 16, 2026

Mid-January our nation pauses to reflect on the life and legacy of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. At this time we are often reminded of his powerful question:  "Life’s most persistent and urgent question is, ‘What are you doing for others?'" It is a question that challenges us all to look beyond our own immediate circumstances and consider our impact on the wider community. His questions leads us to the concept of philanthropy.

For many, the word "philanthropy" conjures images of billionaires and grand foundations. We think of monumental donations and famous names. But what if I told you that true philanthropy is not just for the ultra-wealthy? What if every single one of us has the power to leave a meaningful legacy that uplifts communities and furthers causes we deeply believe in?  That is precisely the message of my book, Middle Class Philanthropist: How Anyone Can Leave a Legacy, written back in 2013. A decade later, its core principle remains more relevant than ever: you don't need a king's fortune to make a lasting difference.

The biggest hurdle for many aspiring philanthropists is the misconception that their contribution will not be significant. This couldn't be further from the truth. Non-profit organizations, schools, churches, and community groups rely on support at all levels. Often, it is the consistent, smaller contributions that form the bedrock of their operations, allowing them to pursue their missions day in and day out.

Imagine the collective power if every "middle-class" American decided to designate even a small percentage of their estate to a cause they care about. The impact would be monumental, fueling change and supporting vital services across the nation.

Your Legacy of Impact: It Starts with a Plan

Estate planning is more than dividing assets. It defines your values and extends your influence into the future. Making an estate plan ensures that the principles you live by continue to make a difference long after you're gone.

Becoming a "Middle Class Philanthropist" is easier than you might think.  Here are four ways you can leave a legacy:

• The Specific Bequest: This is the most straightforward method. You can designate a specific dollar amount or a particular asset (like shares of stock) to a charity in your will. For example, "I give and bequeath $5,000 to [Name of Local Food Bank]." This is a powerful way to provide direct support to an organization whose mission resonates with you.
• The Percentage Bequest: This method allows your charitable gift to grow (or shrink) proportionally with your estate. You can designate a percentage of your total estate, or a percentage of your "residuary estate" (what's left after specific gifts and debts are paid), to one or more charities. For example, "I give 5% of my residuary estate to [Name of Environmental Group]." This is an excellent way to ensure your charitable giving is always in line with your overall financial picture.
• Beneficiary Designations on Accounts: Did you know you can name a charity as a beneficiary on certain assets like retirement accounts (IRAs, 401ks) or life insurance policies? This is often a very tax-efficient way to give, as these assets can bypass probate entirely and go directly to the charity. It’s as simple as filling out a form with your plan administrator.
• Donate Personal Items to a Non-Profit Thrift Store:  Clutter, we all have it to a certain extent.  Most likely your loved ones want to inherit a few, meaningful items from your home.  Jewelry perhaps or holiday decorations.  The question then becomes, what to do with the rest.  My simple answer is to donate unwanted personal possessions to a thrift store associated with a non-profit you support.  In our home that entity is the Dane County Humane Society Thrift Store.  Proceeds from sales support animal rescue in our area, and it is a long standing favorite nonprofit of my family.  In the end, what isn’t meaningful to my heirs should be donated for re-sale. 

Selecting Your Legacy Partner: Where Will Your Impact Land?

The final, and perhaps most enjoyable, step is choosing the organization(s) that will carry forward your legacy. Think about:

• Causes close to your heart: Is it animal welfare, education, civil rights, arts, medical research, or supporting local families?
• Local vs. National: Do you want to impact your immediate community or contribute to a broader movement?
• Mission Alignment: Research their work. Do their values and actions align with yours?
• Transparency: Reputable charities are transparent about how they use donations. Check their annual reports or sites like Charity Navigator.

Dr. King's dream was one of equality, justice, and community. By taking proactive steps in your estate planning, you can contribute to that dream in your own unique way. You can ensure that your values live on, supporting the causes and communities you cherish. Do not let the myth of "big philanthropy" prevent you from leaving your mark. Every legacy, no matter the size, helps build a better future.

Image by M. Gustafson Gervasi, 2026

Note - a blog is not legal advice; it is meant to spark thought and reflection.  Please consult an attorney in your state for advice specific to your situation.  If you found this article helpful, consider donating to "buy me a coffee" in the upper right corner of the blog, or share this on your favorite social media platform.  Be well, and thanks for reading!

Charting a Course Past Procrastination: From "Homework" to Peace of Mind

Charting a Course Past Procrastination: From "Homework" to Peace of Mind

By Melinda Gustafson Gervasi

January 9, 2026

There are constants in life.  I am not sure who gets more inquiries this time of year, the gym on the lower level of my office building, or my estate planning office.  Many people resolve “this is they year I create (or update) my estate plan”.  All too often, however, after we sketch out the steps involved over the phone, I hear a familiar refrain: "Well, I guess I have some homework to do."

Lecture Hall - University of Wisconsin - Madison campus

There is usually a chuckle in their voice, but I hear the mental weight of the "To-Do" list settling in. I understand the feeling. Collecting account numbers, tracking down titles, and making life-altering decisions about guardians and executors feels like a daunting project. Sadly, for many, this "homework" becomes a roadblock. Days turn into months, and the plan—the very thing intended to provide security—remains unfinished on a corner of the desk. But estate planning isn't a final exam you have to ace alone; it’s a collaborative roadmap. If you’re feeling stalled by the homework, here are three strategies to help you turn the page and get your plan across the finish line.

The "10-Minute Inventory" Kickstart: Most people procrastinate because they think they need a box full of perfect documentation before they can take the next step. Don't wait for perfection. Spend just 10 minutes jotting down your "Big Three". First: What are the high-level list of what you own (you don't need exact balances today).  For example, your home, your retirement account, and your life insurance. Second: Who do you want to protect?  This may be your spouse, your child, your parents, your best friend from college who is the sister your never had, or your 3 cats.  And third: Who is the first person you’d trust to handle your affairs?  Aim for Switzerland in your choice - who is neutral, precise, and efficient. 

Prioritize Your "Living Documents":  Death is a difficult topic to face, and focusing solely on what happens when you’re gone is a common reason for "homework fatigue." Reframe the project by starting with your Power of Attorney and Healthcare Directives. These aren't about your passing; they are about your life. They ensure that if you are ever incapacitated or unable to speak for yourself, the people you trust are legally empowered to help you. When you view estate planning as "disability insurance for your autonomy," the homework feels much more urgent and personal.  If you are alive but too sick to make your health care decisions, who should speak for you?  Moreover, if you are living but unable to manage your finances, who do you trust with your checkbook?  You do not want a health crisis to spark a financial crisis.  Take control and appoint the people appropriate for these roles. 

Use a "Life Milestone" Deadline: Open-ended deadlines are the natural enemy of progress. If "someday" is the due date, the work will never get done. Tie your planning to a real-world event on your calendar. Whether it’s an upcoming vacation, a milestone birthday, or a child heading off to college, use that date as your firm deadline. There is a unique sense of relief that comes from boarding a plane or celebrating a birthday knowing that your "legal house" is fully in order.  Keep in mind that a quality plan can take several weeks or even months to finalize. Every year, my office receives calls from clients eager to sign a plan 10 days before flying off on an international adventure. At that point, there simply isn't enough time to create an adequate plan. Most often, those best intentions are pushed off to “when I get back” and, unfortunately, stay there.

The only "failing grade" in estate planning is a plan that never gets signed. If your homework is sitting on your nightstand or the corner of your desk, remember: you don't have to do it all at once. It’s a new year, the perfect time to circle back and complete this task. 

Thank you for reading.  Remember a blog is not a lawyer; this is meant to spark thought and reflection and is not legal advice.  Please seek counsel from an attorney licensed in your home state.  If you found this post helpful, consider posting it on your social media and or "buy me a coffee".  Be well, and thank you for reading. 

From Overwhelmed to Organized: A 2026 Monthly Action Plan for Your Estate Plan

From Overwhelmed to Organized: A 2026 Monthly Action Plan for Your Estate Plan

By Melinda Gustafson Gervasi

January 2, 2026

There is an old African proverb that reminds us: 'The only way to eat an elephant is one bite at a time.' For many of my clients, estate planning feels like that elephant—massive, immovable, and frankly, a bit overwhelming. But you don't have to protect your entire legacy in a single afternoon; you just need a steady appetite for progress. In this post, we’ve broken down the 'elephant' into twelve manageable monthly bites to help you complete your plan by the end of 2026.

Image by M. Gustafson Gervasi, 2026

January: The Discovery Phase

Start the year by gathering any existing estate documents and taking a "lay of the land." Identify what is currently in place and, more importantly, what is missing or outdated to set a clear baseline for the months ahead.

February: Choosing Your Advocates

Identify the people you trust to make decisions on your behalf, including your Power of Attorney for healthcare and finances. Reviewing your executors and trustees ensures that the individuals you’ve chosen are still willing and able to serve in those critical roles.

March: Spring Cleaning for Documents

Use the change of season to clear out physical clutter and organize your vital records. Discard outdated drafts and ensure your current legal documents are stored in a secure, accessible location known to your family.  Go farther and embrace Swedish Death Cleaning -- purge unwanted items, from photographs to furniture.  A cluttered home slows down selling a personal residence or cleaning out an apartment. 

April: The Tax Trail

Following tax season, document your latest filings and update your list of active financial professionals. Providing your heirs with a clear "who’s who" of your CPAs and advisors is an essential map for settling an estate.

May: Asset and Liability Inventory

Create a simple, high-level inventory of everything you own and everything you owe. This snapshot of your assets and liabilities is the most practical tool you can provide a future personal representative to prevent assets from going unclaimed and for an efficient closing of your estate.

June: Protecting Your Furry Family

June is National Pet Preparedness Month, making it the perfect time to include pets in your emergency and estate plans. Create a "Go Kit" with medical records and formalize a long-term care plan so your pets are never left behind in a crisis.

July: Guardianship for the Next Generation

If you have minor children or dependents, take this month to officially identify or reaffirm their legal guardians. This is the most vital step any parent can take to ensure their children are raised by the people they choose, rather than by a court's decision.

August: Beneficiary Review

Review the beneficiary designations on your retirement accounts and life insurance policies. These forms are legal contracts that often override your Will, so it is crucial that they reflect your current intentions and family structure.

September: A Letter to Your Executor

Write a personal "Letter of Instruction" to your executor or personal representative to supplement your legal documents. Use this to explain the "where and how" of your estate, providing them with the context and guidance they need to fulfill your wishes.  Current contact information for your professional advisors as well as those named in your will or trust make the process of handling final affairs more efficient.

October: Final Arrangements

In the spirit of the season, take the "mystery" out of your final send-off by documenting your burial or cremation preferences. Sharing these decisions now relieves your loved ones of the immense emotional and financial burden of guessing your wishes during a time of grief.

November: Defining Your Legacy

As the season of giving begins, consider if philanthropy has a role in your estate plan. Whether it is a small gift to a local non-profit or a formal charitable trust, November is the time to decide how you want to support the causes you value.

December: Digital Declutter

End the year with "Digital Declutter December" by organizing your online life, from subscriptions to photo libraries. Ensure your digital executor has a path to access your accounts, allowing you to start 2027 with a clean, secure, and fully organized legacy.

Making a plan now, at the dawn of 2026, you will be able to look back at the end of 2026 and realize that the 'elephant'—the task that felt so immovable back in January—is finally gone. Estate planning doesn't have to be overwhelming if you break it down into manageable steps. By taking these twelve steady steps throughout 2026, you’ve done more than just check off a list; you’ve built a lasting legacy of protection for the people you love most.

Remember that a blog is not legal advice; it is meant to spark thought and reflection. Always seek counsel from an attorney licensed in your home state.  If you found this post helpful, consider sharing it on your favorite social media platform. Be well, and thank you for reading!