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Passing Down Memories: A Memorial Day Reflection on Rosie Grant’s To Die For: A Cookbook of Gravestone Recipes May 22, 2026 Melinda Gustafson Gervasi As we head into Memorial Day weekend, our calendars naturally fill with family gatherings, backyard cookouts, and shared meals that anchor our holiday traditions. It is a poignant time explicitly dedicated to remembrance, where the flavors on our tables often spark stories of the loved ones who first prepared them. This connection between memory and meals came alive beautifully during a recent gathering of my book group. I coordinate "Book Club with a Twist."; Unlike traditional clubs where everyone reads the same selection under strict deadlines, our members simply gather to report on what they have read lately. There is no pressure to finish a book or to choose something that appeals to the masses; instead, we are gently nudged to keep reading just to have a fresh discovery to share. The only true hazard of our untraditional f...

Estate Planning and the Recipes We Love Written by Melinda Gustafson Gervasi March 14, 2023 March 14th marks Pi Day (3.14159265359)  Celebrated each March 14th, the day allows math fans to challenge one another on who can receite Pi the longest, play math games, and of course, eat pie.  My house is home to three math enthusiats, so it stands out in my life.  Today also seemed like a logical day to share with you the wisdom bestowed in the Scholastic book, Pie, by Sarah Weeks .   Like many children's books, Pie begins with a child experiencing the death of a loved one.  In this case 10 year old Alice suffers from the sudden death of her beloved Aunt Polly, the Queen of Pie in Ipswitch, Pennsylvania where she operated the bakery PIE.  Having won 13 consecutive Blueberry Awards (a national pie contest), Aunt Polly was quite famous for her wonderful pies.  Wisely, Aunt Polly also embraced her own mortality and completed a will in which she left her ...

Talking to Children About Death -- What I've Been Reading  By Melinda Gustafson Gervasi January 8, 2021 Grief during the current pandemic is unlike anything most of us have experienced during our lifetimes. Gathering, hugs, sharing a meal are not recommended. Instead Zoom Memorial Services or limited attendance at the grave site puts a twist on our grieving process. In the middle of it all, we are raising children. Inevitably the adults will need to talk about death and dying. This past year I was introduced to two different illustrated children's books that may smooth the path for discussing the path of a loved one with young children. Badger's Parting Gifts by Susan Varley was introduced to me by the Rev. Kelly Crocker of the First Unitarian Society of Madison last Memorial Day weekend. Discussing death with children is never an easy duty, but it will be with us forever. In Badger's Parting Gifts the readers meet Badger, who is quite old, tired, and ready to go down ...

What I've Been Reading -- Bye-Bye Toys: A story about giving by Anisha Mack Blumenberg. Melinda Gustafson Gervasi May 2020 Are you a parent of young children?  Do you tuck a child in a night hoping to leave the room without stubbing your toe or twisting an ankle on the cascade of toys, books, and trinkets falling off of bookshelves onto the floor?  If so, you are not alone.  I'm prominently raising my hand as part of this group.  For many the Pandemic of 2020 has given them plenty of time to sort, organize and purge items from every corner of their home.  While I love this idea, copious amounts of free time allude me for now.  But here and there, I purge.  A little one day, more the next.  Purging my own items is easy, I do not have attachments to a lot of stuff (books are my exception).  When it comes to my kids, it's a different story. Me asking a child: "Look at this toy dinosaur, ready to pass this along to a littler kid?", and al...

The practice of law involves many roles: advising clients, researching statutes, following changes in federal law, drafting documents, and on particularly fun days -- being a guest on Wisconsin Public Radio!   This past October I was invited to be a guest on Central Time for a discussion of Swedish Death Cleaning, billed as the next biggest fad to hit the US.  Swedish Death Cleaning is a Scandinavian concept designed to encourage people to review their possessions, doing away with the unneeded and making a plan for the beloved.  The book   The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning: How to Free Yourself and Your Family from a Lifetime of Clutter by Margareta Magnusson hits American book stores January 2, 2018.  My copy is already preorderd, and a more specific review will be appear in my newsletter and here on Navigator in January 2018.  Based on what I've read thus far, I have two things to add.  First, don't wait until you 80s to tackle the c...

When you are the parent of young children, you protect your sleep like a mama bear her cub -- fiercely.  Yet this past week I routinely found myself reading far too late into the night.  Why?  In my hands was a memoir by Ashok Rajamani .  With the title The Day My Brain Exploded I should have known that he would grab my attention from the start, and he did. Quite the storyteller, the book is not a chronological account of an AVM (brain bleed) and the resulting consequences.  Instead it is the memoir of a young man, who at age 25 comes ever so close to death.  Chapters jump from after the AVM, to the day it occurred, to his youth in Illinois, back to present time, back to his birth in New Jersey.  It may appear chaotic, but the story unfolds like a flower blooming.  Powerful, hardcore honesty, and humor all make this a book I would recommend to anyone. Life has a way of happening.  The unexpected arrives.  Course changes direction...

It is not uncommon to find out an attorney is also a self-declared book worm.  A love of reading is almost a requirement to get one through three years of law school.  And most of us emerge from those three years with an even stronger desire to read, but to read things that are not about the law.  That was my case, but I have since resigned to the fact that my area of focus, illness, death and taxes creeps into the arts more often than not. Case in point, while visiting the library recently I spied a slim novella on a shelf written by Richard Russo.  His earlier work, Empire Falls is a favorite of mine, so without thinking I dropped it in our check out bag and headed home.   Intervention is a total of 67 pages, , I thought to myself, wonderful -- a story I can get through in no time!  That turned out to be true (I finished it in two days), but by page 12 or so it was clear that the undercurrent to this story was a cancer diagnosis.  Entertainmen...

This past week I read the book The Hoarder in You: How to live a happier, healthier, uncluttered life by Dr. Robin Zasio .  My initial interest in the book was personal -- I am always seeking out ways to keep the chaos of life to a minimum. However, the chaos addressed in this book is well beyond the paper piles and toy explosions (we have children ages 4 and 2) typical in our home.  The pages address those who cannot enter rooms in their home because the piles of "stuff" won't allow a door to open or people who cannot stand to throw out fast food containers.  I was delighted to realize my hoarding was no where near that of many Americans. However, this book is useful for those with relatives who may have hoarding issues.  As an estate planning and probate attorney I regularly hear stories from children or siblings concerned about a loved one.  That concern is often articulated in a form of a question "what are we going to do with their home?".  Now I...

Being a bookworm and an attorney often go hand in hand.  Adolescents who love reading often take an academic path laden with words. That was me.  As a child books were my dearest possessions.  College, grad school and finally law school brought me endless texts to read.  Even though the years of tuition and exams have ended, my love of reading remains. Something about the combination of my focus area (estate planning and probate), my parents poor health, and the fact I'm the parent of two young children results in many of the books on my bedside table being about health.  So when I read a short review of The End of Illness by David B. Agus, MD in my USC Alumni magazine, I requested a copy from the library.  Apparently many others had too because it was months before I got an email saying it was available. Once I picked it up I couldn't put it town.  It offers serious science, public policy, and action points, making it one of the most powerful ...

Image Credit:  www.sxc.hu - free image Are you looking for low cost, yet informative resources to learning more about estate planning for you and your family?  If so, I highly recommend the publication Family Estate Planning in Wisconsin (if you live in Wisconsin).  It is produced by the UW Extension, and is a thorough yet concise examination of the terms and concepts related to estate planning.  And at $6, you can't go wrong.  Text is accompanied by easy to read charts and graphs, which help the visual learners among us (me included).  It is available on the Extensions web site, click here for a link. And even if you do not reside in Wisconsin, some of the general concepts are applicable in different states.  But please do keep in mind that each state has its own set of laws related to wills, powers of attorneys, trusts, probate, etc.

Today I am posting a review that I wrote for the Wisconsin Lawyer Magazine in December 2008 of the book Alive and Kicking: Legal Advice for Boomers by Kenney F. Hegland and Robert B. Fleming . Enjoy. Short, concise chapters on a wide variety of issues, Alive and Kicking is a useful book for any lawyer who works with today’s Boomers. Chapters address issues ranging from estate planning to identity theft to Social Security as well as divorce and remarriage. Written for the Boomer, as opposed to attorneys, the book offers straightforward insight into the issues faced as people age. The primary strength of the book is its ability to serve as a quick and handy reference guide to the common issues older clients might raise in the course of representation. While it is not wise to practice outside of your given emphasis, estate planning for example, no lawyer wants to answer a client’s inquiry with “I have no idea”. Alive and Kicking can serve as a quick reference to address a client’s...

Nolo's 2010 edition of its book 8 Ways To Avoid Probate is an excellent illustration of why a book is a not a good substitute for legal advice. At first glance it appears to be very user friendly with interesting chapters. I especially liked the fact it included a chapter on small estates avoiding probate. However, in more than one chapter the book mentions leaving funds to minor children via UTMA (Uniform Transfer to Minors Act). There was no discussion of testamentary trusts. The options were to leave it a child with the child's parent as custodian (under UTMA) or a living trust. Overlooking testamentary trusts is a huge gap in legal options. I prefer testamentary trusts because they allow a parent to establish a trust fund, created only when both parents are gone, for children until the youngest reaches an age they set. It is commonly higher than age 21 associated with UTMAs. Another short coming of the book is it does not guide the reader through a cost benefit analy...

This past September we learned that one of my mother's neighbors had lost his battle with cancer. Attending the funeral was important to my mom and me because this man had been our neighbor since my parents had moved into the home in 1975. However, we had one challenge. He was Jewish and we had never taken part in a Jewish funeral. Not wanting to offend anyone I reached out to the ministers at my church, The First Unitarian Society of Madison . To my delight Rev. Karen Gustafson (no relation) recommended the book How to Be A Perfect Stranger: The Essential Religious Etiquette Handbook by Matlins and Magida . What a resource it is; one that merits a spot on my bookshelf. Organized into 29 chapters (by religion), it contains information related to: history and beliefs; the basic service; holy days and festivals; life cycle events (birth, initiation, marriage, funerals); and home celebrations. No matter your profession, this is an excellent resource to be an informed and caring ...

Do you have questions about whether scattering cremains is allowed in Wisconsin? Are you wondering what about pre-paid funerals in Nebraska? Or regulation of casket sales in Oklahoma? The answers can all be found in a wonderful book I recently discovered, Final Rights: Reclaiming the American Way of Death by Joshua Slocum and Lisa Carlson. The first half of the book addresses consumer rights issues ranging from green burials to embalming to caskets. The second half of the book answers common questions and concerns related to burial in all 50 states. Easy to use, intriguing information, and internet resources make this a very usable resource. The current cover price is $19.95 -- I'm certain an afternoon reading this book will allow you to save costs on a funeral far beyond the initial expense.

A small book, The Last Lecture , by Randy Pausch and Jeffrey Zaslow is a wonderful example of an ethical will, and is an inspiring read. Just over 200 pages, it is filled with savvy, insight, and motivation to live your childhood dreams and enable those of others. If you are a parent or play a significant role in a child's life, it is a must read. Having married an engineer, I took special gratitude in reading Randy's thoughts and comments. Engineers have a unique way of looking at the world -- blunt, but too the point. If you do pick up this book, I recommend having a box of tissues close at hand.

"Ethical will" is a term that has gained increased recognition in recent years. I'd heard the term, but even though I am an estate planning attorney, I was not exactly sure what one was. Then I read So Grows The Tree: Creating an Ethical Will by Jo Kline Cebuhar, J.D . Her book quickly draws you in, reads quickly, is sprinkled with motivating quotes, and ends with a road map to creating your own ethical will. Inspired by a letter, or ethical will, left by her Uncle Bill, the author provides the reader with definitions, historical context, contemporary examples, and steps create ones own document. Based on this text, I walked away understanding that an ethical will is an expression of the creators: beliefs and values; life lessons; and hopes for the future. Do not confuse it with a "will", which is a legal document whereby you nominate guardians for children, personal representatives, and distribute probate property at death. Nor is it a "living will...

"What you leave behind is not what is engraved in stone mountains, but what is woven into the lives of others." - Pericles and "Share your knowledge. It is a way to achieve immortality." -- Dalai Lama These are two quotes from a book I am reading on ethical wills - stay tuned for an upcoming book review.

I always tell clients and seminar attendees that no matter the estate plan, organization is key. Whether it is a basic will or a sophisticated trust, having your papers organized so that others can make sense out of them is invaluable. And, I am not alone in emphasizing this fact. Today I read about a new book, The Estate Documents Organizer, by Julie Jones. It sounds like a great book, worth checking out from your local library of finding on Amazon.com.

Sadly, I have helped several clients recently who have lost their husbands. The ages of the widows range from 32 to 63, but the issues they face are similar: what to do with life insurance payouts; handling a spouses retirement account - roll it over or cash it out; whether to stay in the home; hiring an accountant because the spouse had always done their taxes; and ensuring there will be enough assets to see them through retirement. A family member has recommended that I take a look at a new book, Moving Forward on Your Own: A Financial Guidebook for Widows by Kathleen Rehl. I have not yet read the book, but it is one that I will put on my list of "to-read". I wonder if any of my readers have come across this book or other books that would be a good resource for widows?

I received an updated copy of a book I reviewed for the Wisconsin Lawyer Magazine, now titled, New Times, New Challenges: Law and Advice for Savy Seniors and Their Families . In my book review, I recommended the book for all lawyers who serve the boomer population, but I'd also say it would be a useful reference for other professions serving seniors or for families assisting older relatives. Short chapters, concise writing, and humor sprinkled in make for an easy and enlightening read. Enjoy.