How to Get Your Elderly Parents Talking About End-of-Life Issues - Use a Book to Spark Conversation

How to Get Your Elderly Parents Talking About End-of-Life Issues - Use a Book to Spark Conversation

By Melinda Gustafson Gervasi

November 17, 2023

"Seriously Mom, maybe you could try read something a little less depressing.  What is this?"

Wisecracked my 13 year old daughter as she passed my home desk one evening.  

"Oh, that.  It's a book I've read already.  Gail gave it to me as sort of a gag 50th birthday gift.  Gail's sort of doing Swedish Death Cleaning and thought I'd be a good place to re-home the book."

Image by M. Gustafson Gervasi, the author's 50th ice cream birthday cake

The book is the graphic novel, a memoir technically, by Roz Chast, titled Can't We Talk About Something More Pleasant.  Released in 2014 it was a National Book Award Finalist, and it may be just the thing to take with you when you go home for the Thanksgiving Holiday or if you are hosting this year, set it out on the coffee table.  The book caught the curiosity of my teenager; it may do the same for the elderly family members who don't know exactly how to get talking about "stuff".  You know, "stuff;" powers of attorney, long-term care, wills, funeral arrangements, etc.   Sometimes talking about an author's experience is an easy gateway into talking about your own wishes.

Chast's book is a quick read and offers her experience with parents that were resistant to talking about the end of life and their wishes.  As we enter the time for winter holidays, families tend to gather.  Many adult children wonder about how to get their parents talking about end-of-life matters, this might be one approach.  I'd suggest that if you do get the book and have a talk, pull out some chocolate to soothe the emotions. I keep a bowl of Ghirardelli chocolate in my office for clients -- sometimes they need a boost after talking with me about worst case scenarios.

My copy of the book, atop my home writing desk

A blog is intended to spark thought and discussion, it is not legal advice.  Please consult with an attorney in your home state for advice specific to your situation.  Thank you for reading!  Follow along with future posts; click Follow in the upper right corner and enter your email address.   Be well!