More than Just a Movie: What Manchester by the Sea Teaches Us About Guardianship

More than Just a Movie: What Manchester by the Sea Teaches Us About Guardianship

By Melinda Gustafson Gervasi

September 26, 2025

Scanning the shelf of recently returned DVDs at my local library branch my eyes landed on the film Manchester by the Sea.  A faint memory clicked in my brain; this was a film I had wanted to see.  I added it to my stack of library materials, checked out, and headed home.  Looking up the film I learned that in 2017 it was nominated for 6 Oscars, including best picture.  Actor Casey Affleck won for best actor, and writer and director Kenneth Lonergan was awarded Best Original Screenplay.

As the end credits ran, it was obvious why the film had garnered critical acclaim. The film tells the story of Lee Chandler, a Boston janitor who becomes the sole guardian of his teenage nephew, Patrick, after his brother, Joe, unexpectedly dies from a heart condition.  Lee returns to his hometown of Manchester, Massachusetts, to handle Joe's funeral arrangements and is surprised to discover that his brother named him as Patrick's legal guardian in his will.

The movie's central conflict revolves around this legal designation. Lee, emotionally scarred by a past family tragedy, is reluctant to take on the responsibility. He initially tries to find a way to avoid the guardianship, suggesting that Patrick live with a family friend or even his estranged mother. However, Patrick is adamant about staying in his hometown, where he has friends, a girlfriend, and a life he doesn't want to leave behind.

The legal weight of Joe's will is a constant presence. It's the reason Lee has to stay in Manchester and confront his past. The will's provision ensures that Patrick's care is legally entrusted to a family member, reflecting Joe's wishes. The film highlights how a will isn't just a document for distributing assets; it's a critical tool for protecting a minor's well-being and a way for parents to ensure their children are cared for by someone they trust. It also poignantly illustrates the immense personal and emotional burden that can accompany the legal responsibility of a guardianship. The central dilemma of the movie is whether Lee will be able to overcome his grief and accept this role, fulfilling his brother's wishes and providing a stable home for his nephew.  I will not spoil the ending for you in case you opt to watch it yourself.

Storytelling entertains us, allows us to bond and connect, and it provides education.  Manchester by the Sea is a powerful reminder that when nominating a person in your will to be the guardian of your minor child(ren), be realistic.  Is this something that person can handle, and handle well?  This is not the time for Pollyannaish thinking; be realistic. Here are some factors to consider when deciding who is the right guardian, and successor, named in your will:

• Does the person share similar views to you on the rhythm of daily life, religion, finances, and education?
• Does the person have sufficient time to welcome your child(ren) to their home and daily life?  
• What sort of relationship does this person currently have with your child(ren).  Are they close enough for trust and safety to be felt by a child going through a crisis?
• For older kids (think 12 and up), who would they want to live with if a guardian were needed?  For many teens the bonds with school friends and teammates can be strong and powerful.  Sometimes a blood relative is not the best fit for a teen bonded with their tight-knit friend group.

From my perspective as an estate planning and probate attorney I see many couples come into to create a first estate plan AFTER the kids have left the home.  Oftentimes it was indecision or conflict about naming a guardian that prevented them from doing a will earlier.  “We couldn’t settle on a guardian, so we just avoided doing a plan.  Now the kids are older, and we don’t have that blockage.”  I get it, I’m a parent.  No one person will be the perfect fit during an unthinkable time.  Yet, if the unthinkable happens, a will is the legal way to tell the court who should step in.  Parents are likely the best suited people to make that decision.  Look at your options, be realistic, and make it legally binding by signing a will. 

I highly recommend the film Manchester by the Sea.  The storytelling is powerful, it will make you think, and it will make you feel.  It will also spark quality discussions about a critically important decision parents make. 

Please keep in mind that a blog is not legal advice.  Use it to foster discussion and reflection.  For legal advice specific to your situation, consult an attorney licensed in the state where you live.  If you find this post helpful, consider sharing it on your favorite social media platform. Thanks for reading, be well.

 

More Than Words: Understanding Obituaries, Eulogies, and Other Tributes

More Than Words: Understanding Obituaries, Eulogies, and Other Tributes

By Melinda Gustafson Gervasi

September 19, 2025

The recliner in my dad’s hospital room was brown, a beige blanket covered my legs, and the computer screen emitted blue light. These things I clearly remember.  Sixteen years ago this week, sometime past midnight on a random weeknight, I nestled in the recliner.  Taking refuge with my computer while my dad rested and was finally sedate, I faced the truth.  My dad had entered hospice care.  Soon the family would need to provide information to the hospital, funeral home, and others.  Sorting this out in a state of grief was not ideal.  If you can, face the reality that we will all be leaving this earth and that a loved one will need to furnish basic information.  Pulling information together yourself can be a lovely gift to your loved ones.  

During moments like this emotions are high and details can be overwhelming. Having lived this experience at both the death of my father (2009) and my mother (2014), I am also an estate planning and probate attorney.  My work brings me close to families during times of loss. One common area of confusion is the language used to talk about the deceased. While terms like "obituary," "eulogy," and "benediction" are often used interchangeably, they each have a distinct purpose and place.

Knowing the difference isn't just a matter of semantics—it can help you navigate funeral planning, understand the flow of a memorial service, and honor your loved one in a way that feels right. Let’s break down these common terms.

Obituary: The Factual Announcement

Think of an obituary as a public, written announcement of a person’s death. It’s a formal notice meant to inform the community.

What it is: A brief, factual article published in a newspaper or online.

What it includes: Key details like the person’s name, age, date of death, and a short summary of their life and accomplishments. It will also provide information about upcoming funeral or memorial services.

Who writes it: Typically a family member, often with the help of a funeral home, and it’s usually written in the third person.

In essence, an obituary is a public record. It provides the necessary facts for those who knew the deceased to learn of their passing and attend services.

Eulogy: The Personal Tribute

A eulogy is a deeply personal, spoken tribute to the deceased.

What it is: A speech given at a funeral or memorial service.

What it includes: It focuses on celebrating the person's life, character, and legacy. It's a chance to share personal stories, memories, and reflections that capture the essence of who they were.

Who delivers it: A close family member, friend, or colleague who knew the deceased well.

Unlike a factual obituary, a eulogy is a heartfelt narrative. Its purpose is not just to announce a death, but to paint a picture of a life well-lived and provide comfort to those who are grieving.

Benediction: The Religious Blessing

A benediction is a formal, religious act that's often part of a funeral service.

What it is: A short prayer or blessing that concludes a religious service.

What it includes: It is a closing statement, delivered by a clergy member, asking for God’s blessing upon the attendees. It is not about the deceased themselves, but about providing spiritual comfort and a sense of closure to the congregation.

Who delivers it: A priest, pastor, rabbi, or other religious leader.

A benediction is a specific component of a religious service, distinct from the personal reflections shared in a eulogy.

Other Important Terms to Know

Death Notice: This is a much shorter version of an obituary. It’s simply a very brief, paid announcement in a newspaper that provides only essential information, such as the person’s name and the time and place of their funeral.

Memorial Service vs. Funeral Service: A funeral service is a ceremony with the body or cremated remains present. A memorial service is a ceremony held to honor the deceased but without the body present.

Homily: In a religious funeral service, a homily is a sermon given by the clergy that reflects on religious texts and offers spiritual guidance. While it may reference the deceased, its primary purpose is religious instruction and comfort, not a personal tribute.

Celebration of Life: This term describes a less formal memorial gathering. The focus is on celebrating the person’s life rather than mourning their death, often with music, food, and a more relaxed atmosphere.

Icelandic Cairn. Image by M. Gustafson Gervasi 2025

Preparing this information now is one of the greatest gifts you can give your family. It alleviates stress during a time of grief and ensures your life story is told accurately and beautifully.

For the Obituary (Factual & Public)

• Full Name & Nicknames: Your legal name and any names you were commonly known by.
• Birth & Death Information: Your date of birth, place of birth, and date of death (this will be added later, but your birth details are crucial).
• Parents' Names: Your parents' full names, including your mother's maiden name.
• Survivors: A list of surviving family members, including their full names and relationship to you (e.g., spouse, children, siblings, grandchildren).
• Predeceased Family: A list of family members who have passed away before you, including their names and relationship to you.
• Accomplishments & Milestones: Key life achievements, such as military service, degrees earned, notable career highlights, or significant volunteer work.

For the Eulogy (Personal & Story-Driven)

• A Personal Bio/Narrative: A short summary of your life in your own words. Include things that matter to you, such as your values, hobbies, and passions.
• Memorable Stories: Write down a few of your favorite anecdotes or life stories. What are the moments you'd want people to remember? What made you laugh?
• Favorite Quotes & Sayings: A list of quotes or personal phrases you often used. This helps to capture your voice.
• Character Traits: Describe your personality. Were you known for your kindness, sense of humor, wisdom, or perseverance?
• Impact on Others: Note how you would want people to remember you. What was your most significant impact on your friends, family, or community?
• Favorite Music, Poems, or Scriptures: A list of songs or verses that have personal meaning to you and that you would like to be included in your service.

For the Funeral/Memorial Service (Logistical)

• Service Preferences: Do you want a religious or secular service? A formal funeral or a more casual "celebration of life"?
• Location & Type of Service: Where would you like the service to be held? (e.g., a place of worship, a park, a funeral home). 
• Speakers: Who would you like to speak at your service? (e.g., a specific friend, a family member). 
• Pallbearers: If applicable, a list of people you would like to serve as pallbearers. 
• Charitable Donations: If you prefer donations in your memory over flowers, list the names of the organizations. 
• Final Resting Place: Your wishes regarding burial, cremation, or scattering of ashes.

 A blog is not legal advice.  It is intended to spark thought and reflection.  Please consult with an attorney is your state of residence for legal advice specific to your situation.  If you found this post helpful, please consider sharing it on your favorite social media platform.  Best wishes, and thank you for reading.

On Your Marks. Set. Go! Take Control of Your Estate Plan

On Your Marks. Set. Go! Take Control of Your Estate Plan

By Melinda Gustafson Gervasi

September 12, 2025

Summer of 2025 brought an unplanned hiatus here on Navigator.  Efforts in late June to tame the jungle in our backyard led me down a path of medical intervention.  Unfortunately my weeding path must have hit a patch of poison ivy, which I am apparently highly allergic to.  Multiple doctors visits and nearly 8 weeks of steroid pills later, I’m feeling much better.  The yard remains an overgrown mess.  

Travel in early August took me to Las Vegas to attend the 59th Star Trek convention with my family.  “I married into the franchise” best describes why I made my way to a city that is not really my cup of tea.  The people I love the most in this world LOVE the Star Trek franchise.  From the Original Series to the current production of Strange New Worlds, they will dominate any trivia game associated with Trek. Trust me, if you have to spend a few days in Vegas, in August of all times, hang out with Trek Fans.  They are highly educated, kind, and favor cookies more than shots of booze. 

Now it is September.  As the Northern Hemisphere tilts on its axis away from the sun, light rays come at a slant that is ideal for capturing images from my kids’ high school cross country meets.  On Your Mark, Set, Go!  It’s time to resume my weekly posts, where I aim to share lessons from my work as an estate planning and probate attorney.  Melding my summer experiences with the start of another cross country season in my home, I leave you with this:

On Your Mark.  It’s time to prepare for the race. End your procrastination.  Survey your situation with estate planning.  What is out of date?  What is missing?  For example - did any key player in your estate plan die in the past year?  If so, it’s time to update your documents. 

Set. Get into position and be ready to explode with power. This is the phase where you schedule an appointment with your attorney to make updates.  If you handle these things on your own, set aside a 4 hour window on your calendar that you assign to complete the update.

Go! Launches you out of a stationary position.  Sign your new forms.  Having a draft is not sufficient.  Put ink to paper and put this needed update behind you.  

If you feel stuck, remember that illness can strike at any time.  Out of the blue you may find yourself in far more medical appointments than you had planned.  If you cannot decide on who to name, focus on the people in your life that are smart, kind, and responsible.   That may be your relatives, or it may be your chosen family.  It’s time to put the chaos that can come with summer living behind us.  Focus and take control of your estate plan.  As I tell my kids the morning of a cross country meet, you’ve got this!

Image by M. Gustafson Gervasi September 2025

Thanks for reading.  If you find my posts helpful, consider sharing them on your favorite social media platform.  And remember, a blog is not a lawyer.  Posts are not legal advice, but are aimed to get you thinking and talking about issues that we all face.  Be well, and thanks for reading!