More Than Words: Understanding Obituaries, Eulogies, and Other Tributes

More Than Words: Understanding Obituaries, Eulogies, and Other Tributes

By Melinda Gustafson Gervasi

September 19, 2025

The recliner in my dad’s hospital room was brown, a beige blanket covered my legs, and the computer screen emitted blue light. These things I clearly remember.  Sixteen years ago this week, sometime past midnight on a random weeknight, I nestled in the recliner.  Taking refuge with my computer while my dad rested and was finally sedate, I faced the truth.  My dad had entered hospice care.  Soon the family would need to provide information to the hospital, funeral home, and others.  Sorting this out in a state of grief was not ideal.  If you can, face the reality that we will all be leaving this earth and that a loved one will need to furnish basic information.  Pulling information together yourself can be a lovely gift to your loved ones.  

During moments like this emotions are high and details can be overwhelming. Having lived this experience at both the death of my father (2009) and my mother (2014), I am also an estate planning and probate attorney.  My work brings me close to families during times of loss. One common area of confusion is the language used to talk about the deceased. While terms like "obituary," "eulogy," and "benediction" are often used interchangeably, they each have a distinct purpose and place.

Knowing the difference isn't just a matter of semantics—it can help you navigate funeral planning, understand the flow of a memorial service, and honor your loved one in a way that feels right. Let’s break down these common terms.

Obituary: The Factual Announcement

Think of an obituary as a public, written announcement of a person’s death. It’s a formal notice meant to inform the community.

What it is: A brief, factual article published in a newspaper or online.

What it includes: Key details like the person’s name, age, date of death, and a short summary of their life and accomplishments. It will also provide information about upcoming funeral or memorial services.

Who writes it: Typically a family member, often with the help of a funeral home, and it’s usually written in the third person.

In essence, an obituary is a public record. It provides the necessary facts for those who knew the deceased to learn of their passing and attend services.

Eulogy: The Personal Tribute

A eulogy is a deeply personal, spoken tribute to the deceased.

What it is: A speech given at a funeral or memorial service.

What it includes: It focuses on celebrating the person's life, character, and legacy. It's a chance to share personal stories, memories, and reflections that capture the essence of who they were.

Who delivers it: A close family member, friend, or colleague who knew the deceased well.

Unlike a factual obituary, a eulogy is a heartfelt narrative. Its purpose is not just to announce a death, but to paint a picture of a life well-lived and provide comfort to those who are grieving.

Benediction: The Religious Blessing

A benediction is a formal, religious act that's often part of a funeral service.

What it is: A short prayer or blessing that concludes a religious service.

What it includes: It is a closing statement, delivered by a clergy member, asking for God’s blessing upon the attendees. It is not about the deceased themselves, but about providing spiritual comfort and a sense of closure to the congregation.

Who delivers it: A priest, pastor, rabbi, or other religious leader.

A benediction is a specific component of a religious service, distinct from the personal reflections shared in a eulogy.

Other Important Terms to Know

Death Notice: This is a much shorter version of an obituary. It’s simply a very brief, paid announcement in a newspaper that provides only essential information, such as the person’s name and the time and place of their funeral.

Memorial Service vs. Funeral Service: A funeral service is a ceremony with the body or cremated remains present. A memorial service is a ceremony held to honor the deceased but without the body present.

Homily: In a religious funeral service, a homily is a sermon given by the clergy that reflects on religious texts and offers spiritual guidance. While it may reference the deceased, its primary purpose is religious instruction and comfort, not a personal tribute.

Celebration of Life: This term describes a less formal memorial gathering. The focus is on celebrating the person’s life rather than mourning their death, often with music, food, and a more relaxed atmosphere.

Icelandic Cairn. Image by M. Gustafson Gervasi 2025

Preparing this information now is one of the greatest gifts you can give your family. It alleviates stress during a time of grief and ensures your life story is told accurately and beautifully.

For the Obituary (Factual & Public)

• Full Name & Nicknames: Your legal name and any names you were commonly known by.
• Birth & Death Information: Your date of birth, place of birth, and date of death (this will be added later, but your birth details are crucial).
• Parents' Names: Your parents' full names, including your mother's maiden name.
• Survivors: A list of surviving family members, including their full names and relationship to you (e.g., spouse, children, siblings, grandchildren).
• Predeceased Family: A list of family members who have passed away before you, including their names and relationship to you.
• Accomplishments & Milestones: Key life achievements, such as military service, degrees earned, notable career highlights, or significant volunteer work.

For the Eulogy (Personal & Story-Driven)

• A Personal Bio/Narrative: A short summary of your life in your own words. Include things that matter to you, such as your values, hobbies, and passions.
• Memorable Stories: Write down a few of your favorite anecdotes or life stories. What are the moments you'd want people to remember? What made you laugh?
• Favorite Quotes & Sayings: A list of quotes or personal phrases you often used. This helps to capture your voice.
• Character Traits: Describe your personality. Were you known for your kindness, sense of humor, wisdom, or perseverance?
• Impact on Others: Note how you would want people to remember you. What was your most significant impact on your friends, family, or community?
• Favorite Music, Poems, or Scriptures: A list of songs or verses that have personal meaning to you and that you would like to be included in your service.

For the Funeral/Memorial Service (Logistical)

• Service Preferences: Do you want a religious or secular service? A formal funeral or a more casual "celebration of life"?
• Location & Type of Service: Where would you like the service to be held? (e.g., a place of worship, a park, a funeral home). 
• Speakers: Who would you like to speak at your service? (e.g., a specific friend, a family member). 
• Pallbearers: If applicable, a list of people you would like to serve as pallbearers. 
• Charitable Donations: If you prefer donations in your memory over flowers, list the names of the organizations. 
• Final Resting Place: Your wishes regarding burial, cremation, or scattering of ashes.

 A blog is not legal advice.  It is intended to spark thought and reflection.  Please consult with an attorney is your state of residence for legal advice specific to your situation.  If you found this post helpful, please consider sharing it on your favorite social media platform.  Best wishes, and thank you for reading.