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Series: Estate Plannings Hardest Questions #6: Asking Yourself 'Who is Family?' By Melinda Gustafson Gervasi Every now and then I'll have a client lean in during our first meeting, where we discuss their life situation and estate planning goals, and nearly whispers "can I name someone other than my relatives?" "Of course, estate planning is about taking control and nominating the people who are right for the job!" I proclaim. In the various seminars I give on the topic of estate planning and probate I emphasize the need to ask yourself "who is your family?  We share our DNA and branches of a family tree with a group of people.  We also share life with a group of people; the joyous celebrations, the mundane tasks of life, and the times of despair.  Sometimes they are the same group of people, and sometimes they are two distinct groups. Personally, I am one who has two different groups.  With the exception of my spouse and children, there a...

It never fails.  New clients walk into my office and sit down for our first meeting of the estate planning process.  Once the initial hellos are finished and the legal services agreement reviewed and signed, we get down to business.  Nine times out of ten I hear "oh, this will be simple, we are a solid middle class family." Instantly this Shaker song pops into my mind (one I adore and delight in signing at our UU church). The song makes me smile, such a happy little ditty.  The client(s) is smiling, thinking this will be simple because they do not have tons of assets, just the normal amount of a normal person or couple here in the heart of the Midwest. A glance at their questionnaire and the tune fades from my mind, replaced by something for chaotic. Something more ominous.  Something that is anything but simple. Something along these lines: Why the change in background music?  It's simple really.  Money is not what makes estate planning co...

Blended families, those that have children from outside the marriage, are more and more common these days.  Marriages can be "seconds" for one or both spouses.  And sometimes they bring a child(ren) from a prior relationship or marriage into the mix.  I myself was raised in a blended family.  When my parents married in 1970 my father had a 7 year old son from his first marriage.  Three years later, I joined the clan, putting 10 years in age between myself and my sibling.  Other folks marry later in life, following the death of a spouse, and bring adult children to the marriage.  What happens when that parent dies? Unless a will and pre-planning has occurred, state statues will control the distribution of those assets.  The new spouse may inherit everything.  Or, the children from the first marriage may have inheritance rights to all or a share of the decedent's assets.  What is important is for blended families to sit down, look at all...

On a daily basis I find myself counseling my clients about the importance of putting their wishes in writing.  Most focus on the big issues -- retirement accounts, the house, jewelry.  But I encourage them to give thought to some side issues as well.  For example, is there anyone that would or would not want at their bedside if they are fighting for their life or its their final days?  In the age of blended families this can crop up quite often. For example, a women may have an ex-husband with whom she raised children.  How does she feel about that ex-husband being present in her hospital room?  What if he wants to be their for emotional support for their mutual children.  How might her current husband feel?  She should decide what she wants, and then put her wishes in her own writing.  Should the scenario ever develop, the power of attorney can point to her note.  The situation may still be difficult, but it will decrease perceptions...

Recently USA Today ran an interesting story, and it does a great job of casting light on the reality of estate planning in modern America .  Gone are the days of wills "being read" in a lawyers office, with an audience on the edge of their seats.  It has been replaced by trusts, medical costs eating up a person's net worth in their final years, and of course, the complexity of blended families. The article ends with a "what to do" section.  My advice, take control of the situation now.  But your wishes on paper, in a legally binding format.  Doing a will gives those you left behind a bit of guidance about what you really wanted.  And if you are facing an illness but are tight-lipped about finances, you may want to reconsider and tell your loved ones just how much that top rate care costs.  Especially if you have "waiters" (used in the article to refer to people waiting for an inheritance that may never arrive) in the family.