Swedish Death Cleaning Coming to the U.S.

The practice of law involves many roles: advising clients, researching statutes, following changes in federal law, drafting documents, and on particularly fun days -- being a guest on Wisconsin Public Radio!  This past October I was invited to be a guest on Central Time for a discussion of Swedish Death Cleaning, billed as the next biggest fad to hit the US. 

Swedish Death Cleaning is a Scandinavian concept designed to encourage people to review their possessions, doing away with the unneeded and making a plan for the beloved.  The book The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning: How to Free Yourself and Your Family from a Lifetime of Clutter by Margareta Magnusson hits American book stores January 2, 2018.  My copy is already preorderd, and a more specific review will be appear in my newsletter and here on Navigator in January 2018. 

Based on what I've read thus far, I have two things to add.  First, don't wait until you 80s to tackle the clutter.  My father died at 67, my mom died at 70, leaving me a ranch house filled with items to distribute, recycle, re-home or trash.  We are not guaranteed our 80s, don't put off until then what you can do today.  Second, don't overlook digital clutter -- social media, digital photos, web sites, blogs, and all sorts of other e-items are growing and growing.  One day they'll need to be purged.

Here is a link to the show on Central Time.  Enjoy, and happy de-cluttering!  We are making 2018 a year to purge as though we were moving, even though we are not moving.  Thanks for reading, and be well.

Nominating a New Estate Planning Term - Goat Rodeo

So, you’re telling me I am better off just managing this Goat Rodeo?  A rhetorical question posed by a client some months ago in follow-up to our one hour discussion about the ins and outs of the 1986 trust the client's parents had created.  Yes, that is one way to put it. This may go down as my most humorous and enjoyable client meeting of 2014. Goat Rodeo -- what a perfect way to summarize the state of affairs.

If you are an adult child, chances are one day you may manage the "Goat Rodeo" of your parents’ estate.  There may be a trust, a will, nothing at all.  Documents may have been written 25 years earlier, designed and mandated to follow outdated tax codes.  No will?  No worries, a distribution plan is embedded in the state statutes where your parents lived/died.  You will quickly learns the ins and outs of this plan.  If you have sibling, prepare yourself for a flash back to the fights you had as tweens (was that even a word when you were a tween, most likely not).  Bottom line -- accept today that you will one day manage a "Goat Rodeo", and then go on about your life.  Your parents’ estate plan is their estate plan.  It is not yours to create, change, tweak -- just manage it, Goat Rodeo or not. For now, enjoy the time you have with your parents - time passes quickly.

Image taken by author at a petting zoo, not a Goat Rodeo

Medication -- One of the Many Items a Loved One Leaves Behind at Death

Readers of this blog may have followed that my mother passed away on February 16th of this year.  With her last breathe I was an orphan at age 40, my dad having died back in 2009.  I was also left with the task of emptying and cleaning out their ranch home.  And is often the case, it had quite the supply of medications. Some used, others not, some prescription, others not.  Regardless of the source, I found myself hold two large plastic bags full of pills, creams, inhalers, and more.  What to do with them?

Tossing them down the drain or in the trash puts current and future generations at risk -- a water supply contaminated with discarded meds.  Harmful to fish, wildlife, and possibly us.  Thankfully here in Madison there is a program called MedDrop, offering 12 year round drop off sites.  One was not far from my mother's home.  And it was just as the snow began to melt and Spring moved to town that I safely disposed of the medications from her home.

End of life affairs for a loved one run a huge spectrum.  There are more immediate decisions about funeral and burial.  Ushering and estate through probate or trust administration.  Finding new homes for pets and or plants of the decedent.  Filing a final tax return.  And as shown here, taking a few extra minutes to make sure medications end up in a safe and proper location -- not a landfill.

Control and the Estate Planning Process

Looking for motivation to face the question of your illness and or death?  Look no farther than the word "control".  That is what I tell audiences when I speak on the topic of estate planning.  It's about taking control.  If you do not, you are leaving key decisions to be made by someone other than yourself.  For some, this is what they need to hear to plow forward into writing powers of attorney and a will.  For others, no amount of prep talk will work, giving rise to the yin and yang of estate planning.  For every person resistant to completing papers, there is a loved one urging them on.

No matter how eager a loved one may be for you to complete your estate plan, they cannot force it to be done.  Over the weekend I spoke at our church and referenced the fact that we are assisting my mother with some stressful health issues.  Afterwards another member approached me about being in the "sandwich generation" and wondered what she could do to urge her aging parents to complete an estate plan.  "Not much" was my answer.

The control lies in the client, not the client's loved ones.  Often I field calls from concerned adult children, seeing a train wreck approaching: The confusion, the disagreement, the stress, the loss of time and money -- it is all headed their way.  Just as they cannot hop on a runaway train and become its engineer, they cannot force aging parents to complete useful paperwork.  What they can do is brace for impact.  Think worse case scenario and plan.  Things to consider:

• what do the laws of the state the parent lives in allow for guardianship?  That is the process we often turn to when powers of attorney have not been done or are out-of-date; 
• find an attorney you want to work with now, and have his or her number ready if and when needed; and
• read about working with loved ones on how to make difficult decisions on health, finances and end-of-life issues.

And really, that is about it.  Brace yourself.  The crash may never happen.  There may be documents in place, but you just do not know about them.  But remember, the control in estate planning lies in the client's hands, not the loved ones.  

Thanks for reading, and remember a blog is not legal advice and should not be relied on.  Please consult an attorney in your state (or that of a loved one) for advice specific to your situation.

What I've Been Reading: 300 Questions To Ask Your Parents

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This week I read the book 300 Questions to Ask Your Parents....Before It's Too Late by Shannon Adler.  While the introduction to the book was rather gripping, once I got into the questions I was puzzled.

First, too many questions seemed to be posed by a stranger.  For example, did you go to college and if so, where?  I realize that our society has become more introverted these days; ipods, video games, phones with movies -- we escape to our own world and retreat from one another.  But really, an adult child not knowing if a parent went to college strikes me as too distant.

Second, far too many questions are designed to be asked of a well educated stable parent.  I know, first hand, that parents are often not educated beyond high school (mine for example) and shoulder a lot of emotional baggage.  For families where the parents have Masters degrees and are emotionally sound, this book might be useful.  For others the questions may result in the equivalent of stepping on a land mine of repressed feelings.

Third, the book lists questions with room to write notes.  However, it is a standard book, not a notebook.  Writing notes seems difficult.  I also wonder if a different medium, such as video or voice recording might make the exercise more fulfilling.  A lot is conveyed through body language and tone!

And fourth, what do you do when you are done with the questions?  Addler does not offer any clear way on how to use this information.  I think she is on to something important, but it seems too limited and narrow for most people to benefit.

One question did make me wonder, what was your marriage proposal like?  My father died in 2009, and my mother is still with us, but she is in poor health.  It makes me wonder, how did my dad propose?  It is something I do not know.  And knowing might allow me to have a more complete picture of the grandfather I describe to my young children, a man they will only know through my stories.  So, before it is too late, I plan to ask my mom.  It will need to be delicate; memories of my dad and his death sadden her.  Again, that is the key point missing from this book....how to ask without bringing about hurt.

What about you -- what would you ask your parents, before it is too late?  Please post a comment and share.

Financial Elder Abuse

Recently the television game show Family Feud came to mind.  Reading this article on elder abuse called up the phrase "survey says", and sadly the number one thief is a family member, underscoring the phrase "family feud".  Yes, sadly it appears that family members are they most likely people to commit financial abuse of our nation's seniors.  Proximity is probably at the core; people name their kids, even if the kids aren't the the best choice.

During my seminars on estate planning and probate I always caution people not to list agents on power of attorney for finance or health care with a knee jerk response.  "I'll name my son because he was the first born" is not the answer I want to hear.  I urge my clients to consider who is right for the job, who has the right skill set and personality.  If you have a child that is struggling financially, makes bad decisions, is impulsive, does not get along with others, etc., he or she is not the right fit for your POA.  No parent wants to admit that a child is not up for the job, but parenting never ends and they are in the best position to know who will do the job well.

As always, do not use a blog post for legal advice.  Counsel for a licensed attorney in your state is essential.  Thanks for reading, and I will be back tomorrow.

What I've Been Reading: The Hoarder in You

This past week I read the book The Hoarder in You: How to live a happier, healthier, uncluttered life by Dr. Robin Zasio.  My initial interest in the book was personal -- I am always seeking out ways to keep the chaos of life to a minimum. However, the chaos addressed in this book is well beyond the paper piles and toy explosions (we have children ages 4 and 2) typical in our home.  The pages address those who cannot enter rooms in their home because the piles of "stuff" won't allow a door to open or people who cannot stand to throw out fast food containers.  I was delighted to realize my hoarding was no where near that of many Americans.

However, this book is useful for those with relatives who may have hoarding issues.  As an estate planning and probate attorney I regularly hear stories from children or siblings concerned about a loved one.  That concern is often articulated in a form of a question "what are we going to do with their home?".  Now I can point them to this book, which is full of lists, resources, and action steps.  I especially liked the discussion on how to address peoples fears of throwing something out -- what if I need it?

As always, planning ahead will save time and money.  If you have a loved one who falls into the hoarder spectrum, give some thought now to how you can address the issue before you are in a crisis situation (i.e. untimely death or nursing home admission).  Starting with this book would be a good first step.  My copy was from the local library....a great way to keep the clutter down in a home, borrow instead of purchase!

Seniors, Independence, and Saying Good-bye to the Car Keys

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Buried in today's Wisconsin State Journal was an Associated Press article addressing the topic of when and why families should move to take the car keys away from failing seniors.  America, especially here in the vast Midwest, has a love affair with cars.  Age 16 marks a significant step towards independence when drivers license are issued.  But what about the decades that follow?  When should a person's car independence be curtailed?

Recently I posed this very question to my mother's hospitalist (sort of the primary care doctor when a patient is in the hospital).  Should she be driving was my question.  His response did not help me much:  I have no evidence to give the Department of Transportation that her license should be taken away, but that does not mean she is a good driver.

According to the article, I am not alone.  "600,000 older drivers a year quit because of health conditions.  But there are no clear-cut guidelines to tell who needs to -- and quitting too soon can be detrimental to someone who might have functioned well for longer."

As I type I can hear my husband in my head; an avid bike commuter for many years, he associates many societal problems with our dependence on cars.  Sadly it appears that for seniors to remain independent in many areas of the country, driving is essential, even though that one skill may be failing faster than other abilities.

While doctors can have a strong influence on this decision, many remain silent.  One question than can pose, which was posed to me -- would the person be allowed to drive with grandchildren in the car?  If no, then the answer is evident on whether the senior should continue driving.  But then what?  How will doctors visits be met, groceries purchased, errands run?  Thanks to the internet many things can be delivered, but not everything.  Our family is addressing this question at the moment, as are hundreds of thousand across the country.

Do you have a story to share?  A tip for making this transition easier?  Please post and share with others.

Study: Loneliness a Predictor of Functional Decline and Death

Earlier this week a mass email was sent out to the members of Prairie UU, where my husband and I are members.  Often times the messages relate to a request for assistance with yard work while recovering from surgery, announcing a birth/marriage/death in a family, or spreading the word about a great movie playing in theaters.  This email contained a link to a NY Times article reviewing a recent study published in JAMA.

Researchers have shown that loneliness in people age 60 and older is a predictor of functional decline and death.  According to the study, chronic loneliness is connected to a host of health concerns (high blood pressure, coronary disease, etc.).  And interestingly, many of those who reported being lonely were married or living with someone; alone does not mean you are lonely.  For those seeking to age with grace or keeping a watchful eye on a elder in the family, this article is highly informative.  The bottom line I took from the article was to find ways to connect with other people.  Focus on medical measurements is important, but relationships, quality ones, play a very important role in our lives.  Don't neglect connections with others.

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So it seems perfect that this evening I will be joining a group of women for an annual evening out at American  Players Theater in Spring Green.  Annual traditions, good food, culture, the outdoors, and female friends -- its just what the doctor ordered (or should have).  Enjoy your weekend, and I'll be back Monday with more thought on illness, death and taxes for the middle class.

Americans Living Longer, Fitter, Wealthier Lives

Surprise would be the adjective I'd used to describe myself after reading this blurb on NPR's web site; older Americans are living longer, with more money, and are more fit than prior generations.  I should probably qualify the adjective, pleasantly surprised.  According to the study cited, Americans live longer, are healthier, and have more money than prior generations of elders.  Better health is attributed to advances in cardiac and stroke health care, and more money is associated with the fact more women work (in advanced years) than ever before.

While there is still room for improvement on obesity rates, the news is refreshing.  If you are 65 today, you can expect to enjoy another 20 years of life.  Not quite as long as the number one ranked nation, Japan, where their current 65 year olds can expect to celebrate an 89th birthday.

So, if one makes it to 65, there is a good chance they'll close in on an 85th or 90th birthday.  With that advancement will come other social changes.  Later retirements, greater need for money tucked away for retirement, voting blocks.

As I make my way through another work week, I'm pleased to read some positive news....it is too infrequent.

Sensors, Seniors, and Independent Living

If you have aging parents, chances are good that at some point in the recent past you have wondered "hmmm, that is odd, why didn't they answer the phone?".  If you are like me, which you may not be, your mind starts churning out scary scenarios.  As an estate planning and probate attorney, people pay me to see bad scenarios and plan accordingly.  It is a hard function to shut off.  And so, numerous times I've found myself wondering if I should drive over to my mom's house to check on her when she doesn't pick up the phone.

Then in Sunday's paper there was an interesting article about sensors monitoring a residents bathroom use, waking time, etc.  The sensors detect when a person, in this case a senior, is up and about.  Patterns can be determined and irregularities detected.  The fee is rather modest, far less than assisted living.  However, some seniors feel it it TMI - too much information.  I can understand that concern, but if it allows one to live in their own home with a safety net -- I'm all for it.  Now I just have to convince my mother.....

How about you -- yes or no to the sensors?  Share your thoughts and leave a comment.

What If You Live to 150?

What if?  It's a question I pose to clients all the time.  What if you die first?  What if your child predeceases you?  What if you have a stroke and cannot operate your business?  So naturally, what if you life to 150 years caught my attention when reading Sonia Arrison's book 100+: how the coming age of longevity will change everything, from careers and relationships to family and faith.

The book was not as gripping as I had hoped, but it did set in motion several thoughts.  What will need to change in the area of retirement savings as people's life spans continues to increase.  Will retirement even happen?  Also, what will families begin to look like?  Will there be larger and large gaps between the ages of children if fertility is extended?  Will there be more and more blending of families and third and fourth marriages happen.

Life spans have already increased 40 years since the turn of the century.  What if -- living longer is a nice thing to consider given the questions I usually pose to clients.

Deathbed Thoughts

Illness, death and taxes -- that is the concise response to the question "what type of law do you practice?"  And when you spend your days focused on what will happen when people are too sick to sign tax forms or die suddenly of a blood clot, it is not too much of a jump for your mind to ponder your own demise.  And that can make you feel a bit odd because most people can't see the scenarios my mind churns out on a daily basis.  It is what I am trained to do, it it what clients pay me to think about.  And it was with comfort when I read an op-ed in the NY Times and the writer (not a lawyer) made mention to thinking about his own death bed....I'm not alone!

I suppose it's possible I'll lie on my deathbed regretting that I didn't work harder and say everything I had to say, but I think what I'll really wish is that I could have one more beer with Chris, another long talk with Megan, one last good hard laugh with Boyd.   Life is too short to be busy." - Tim Kreider, The Busy Trap, NY Times, June 30, 2012

And it is this same line of thinking is at the core of my motivation to practice law part-time.  Life it too short.  The brevity of life, and knowing it is brief, focuses my attention and is why I balance my role as mother against my role as lawyer.  Many days I go from one hat to the other in 0.2 seconds.  Break neck change of pass can be tiring, but it is worth it.  Life is too short not to maximize being with my kids, and will pass too quickly for me not to use the legal education I fought so hard to earn.

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Care For Aging Parents

This week I read an article out of Boston.  The message was clear, people are living longer and the need for a plan about how to care for elders is increasing.  Especially when the resources are at risk of running out.  The information presented was everything I'd seen before:

• have aging parents put a will and powers of attorney together;
• considering long-term care insurance; 
• determine if the children can and are willing to fund part of the older generations expenses;
• selling mom's home will cause fights between siblings; and
• don't wait until a crisis hits to start discussing options.

All of this is true, but what we really need is an article that motivates people 70 and older to take action.  Why?  Because no matter how informed a 65 year old is about the importance of his/her parents doing these things, nothing will happen until the parent acts.  One exception, after crisis arrives, the children can go to court to seek guardianship.

Routinely I get calls from adult children wanting to put their parents affairs in order.  However, unless the parent contacts me, there is nothing I can do from a legal perspective.  In those situations I encourage the children to talk with the parent about taking control of the situation. The parent can make decisions, and they usually know what is best for the family dynamic.  Also, emphasizing that it is less expensive to have a lawyer set up papers in advance as opposed to hire one to put out a fire.  Thrift is a strong motivator for our nation's elders.

Selecting A Nursing Home

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Nursing homes, the topic is sure to get one's attention.  Especially for someone who is aging and loosing their independence.  So many people say "I never want to go to one", yet it is a primary way our country cares for our sickest members.

As my father neared the end of his life he spent one month in a nursing home, even though he always voiced his dislike of such facilities.  Selection was not much of an issue; he was being released from a hospital and the first bed available was what we took so that he could stay relatively close to my mom.  The one he went to, Capitol Lakes, in Downtown Madison was described by many as wonderful.  And it did a decent job on meeting his needs.

However, my jaw dropped open this past weekend while reading an article in the Wisconsin State Journal about nursing facilities with citations for improper care.  Capitol Lakes was at the top of the list because a 95 year old women received 10 times the prescribed morphine; she died the next day.  The State of Wisconsin fined the nursing home $4,550 and the federal government fined them $6,300.  What shocked me was the quote from Tim Conroy, executive director of Captiol Lakes, "She was going to die.  This is not what killed her."  To that I say what?  That flawed reasoning can be used by anyone who harms another -- we are all dying, we just aren't all aware of the process.  If another member of my family requires skilled nursing care and the first bed to open up is at Capitol Lakes, I will pause before consenting to a transfer.  The ambiance may be lovely, but the mindset of the executive director could use some remodeling!

The article linked above offers several resources for learning about skilled nursing facilities, specifically if they have been issued citations, staffing levels, and quality of care.  Those include:

• www.medicare.gov/nhcompare;
• go.madison.com/nursinghomes
• Wisconsin Board on Aging and Long Term Care, 1-800-815-0015; and
• Dane County Area Agency on Aging, 608-261-9930

Geriatric ERs

Last week the New York Times ran an article on a new trend in hospital care, the geriatric ER.  Designed for patients 65 and older who are not in an acute situation, the idea is to provide stellar care and reduce the chance of a re-admission.  Non-skid floors, Ipads to request a nurse, simulated sunshine, and rubber loops on the curtains are some of the new perks.  Patients apparently call relatives to rave about the new digs.

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I have spent a far amount of time in ERs with my parents.  My mother is alive thanks to a pacemaker, my father passed away in 2009 following a long illness.  From my personal experience I would much rather see hospitals placing an emphasis on serving the whole patient rather than creating the Four Seasons in the ER.  All too often we'd see a specialist for one organ who would prescribe a medication or treatment that threw another organ out of whack.  There was a lot of talk of the latest and greatest pill or procedure but not so much on the daily implications of the disease.  Little to no consideration was made of the impact this disease was having on mental health, family dynamics, or financial resources.

My reaction to this story -- forget the technology and focus on the person, they are not just a patient reviewing your facility.  They are a person; part of a family.  Medical workers deal with illness daily, most family members do not.

But that is just my personal opinion.  What's yours?

Estate Planning in the Real World

Recently USA Today ran an interesting story, and it does a great job of casting light on the reality of estate planning in modern America.  Gone are the days of wills "being read" in a lawyers office, with an audience on the edge of their seats.  It has been replaced by trusts, medical costs eating up a person's net worth in their final years, and of course, the complexity of blended families.

The article ends with a "what to do" section.  My advice, take control of the situation now.  But your wishes on paper, in a legally binding format.  Doing a will gives those you left behind a bit of guidance about what you really wanted.  And if you are facing an illness but are tight-lipped about finances, you may want to reconsider and tell your loved ones just how much that top rate care costs.  Especially if you have "waiters" (used in the article to refer to people waiting for an inheritance that may never arrive) in the family.

Elder Care in Modern Times

Nursing homes, assisted living facilities, elder day care, in-home attendants -- commonly these words have a negative connotation with them.  However, as author Hendrick Hartog points out, they are a lot better than historical options.  Caring for elder loved ones primarily fell on children in historical times.  And if that sounds quaint, you may be looking through rose colored glasses.  Recently the New York Times ran an article by Hartog, Bargaining for a Child's Love, which sheds a new light on how the elderly were cared for in times past.

Take a look, and then share your thoughts.  Skilled nursing care, is it a good thing, a bad thing, or a bit of both?

Finding Care Providers on the Internet

From grandparents to parents to yourself, if finding in-home care assistance is a need, you may want to investigate the web site care.com.  I recently used the site in our search for a new nanny, but have made a mental note to go back to it should my mother need help to prolong her ability to live independently.  The site allows you to post a job, review applicants, and conduct a back-ground search.  The last factor was very compelling for me.  There are lots of ways to find candidates, but doing a background search can be difficult.  On this site it can be done with the click of a mouse.

The cost of in-home care can be staggering.  Since assisted living is not covered by Medicare or Medical Assistance, in-home care needs to be paid for by the recipient unless they have long-term care insurance.  It seems that internet sites are an ideal way to locate care providers and keep the administrative costs low.  Also, it is especially nice when loved ones live far apart.  Finally, you can conduct searches from the comfort of your home or office at any time of day.

The following are examples of some of the services you can secure from care.com:

• pet sitting / walking;
• housekeeping;
• senior counseling;
• agencies who provide senior care; and
• individuals who provide senior care.

What do others think of this site, or do you have another one you prefer?  I am not endorsing this site, just sharing my one positive experience with it. I'd love to hear from other people who have stories to share.  Information is powerful, please let us know what you think.

Baby Boomers and Inheritances

As we look to the years ahead, various reports show that anywhere between $10 billion and $400 billion will change hands from one generation, the next, via inheritance.  However, Baby Boomers should not sit back and wait for a call from an attorney.  According to recent reports, Boomers are less likely than pre-Boomers to receive an inheritance. An AARP study from 2003 showed that only 19% of Boomer households received an inheritance, and the average amount was $49,000.  I could not agree more with the final paragraph of this article....don't count on an inheritance, instead build your own nest egg.  Moreover, an estate planning attorney, I'd have to remind readers that people are not obligated to leave children an inheritance.  It is their choice, and they may opt to give their remaining assets to a charity or other cause.  I see this more often than some might think.